Perspicacious Penner

I was scrolling through one of my groups on Facebook recently when I saw a piece of what I consider pseudo-wisdom. It said: "Showing compassion to a narcissist is like sliding into an alligator's mouth. Don't do it. Talk in their language or don't talk at all." I found myself getting irritated at this statement. Why would we match someone else's negative energy? What is the use in that? After pondering these questions, I wrote in my journal: "Hurt people hurt people. Narcissists are no exception. Don't change your authentic compassionate expression for their sake. They may learn something from it although don't bet. If they don't learn from it, distance yourself from the person, not your own compassion. Know the worth of your own energy and protect it." It's true that hurt people hurt people. It's also true that we don't have to bear the hurt that hurt people inflict on us. In fact, if we can recognize the "chain of pain,...

I remember a time in my teens when my family and I, collectively, were in yet another altercation resulting from one of my mom's narcissistic rage episodes when I sat down, depleted, and said, "Why don't we just go to family counseling?" To which my mother responded, "Counseling?! Ha! You think you need counseling? You go to counseling. I don't need counseling. Go."  She continued to scoff to herself at the thought, rejecting any ability to be vulnerable,  and I continued to lose hope that I could ever safely express myself. A victim of my own self-perceived limitations Nobody ever said vulnerability was easy. It's not easy even for those who make it look easy. Making ourselves vulnerable can open us up to heartbreak and rejection. We become punching bags to the ill-intentioned. However, opening ourselves up also has the profound ability to create life-long connections. By being openly expressive even when it hurts, we allow ourselves to be heard an...