Naturally High

High on "Life Quantum"

"Miss Brittney, you have a natural high!"

"What does that mean?"

"It means you don't need drugs or alcohol to get high. You just know how to have fun!"

What a compliment, I thought to myself, to be receiving from a parent of one of my students. Even more affirming was my lead teacher nodding in agreement.

Being in my mid-20's, I've sometimes dealt with some inner conflict of whether I'm "doing life correctly." Many in my cohort would have experienced near alcohol poisoning or had some "high revelations" after smoking many a blunt by now. I've been urged by those even 20 years my senior to "live out" my late teens and early 20's. My own father once told me the best thing you can do is sleep around and "get it out of your system." I've simply never had the interest or desire.

I think my life has had plenty of excitement already.

Pizza the snake. On my face.

I had my first sip of Strawberry Hill at 14 years old. Smoked my only cigarettes, socially, at 13 and 14. My first "real" experience with alcohol was when I was 16. I took a shot of vodka straight from the bottle while sitting with a friend behind my apartments in San Diego, CA. I remember the burning sensation in my stomach. My legs were not so stable in comparison to the sobriety they were accustomed to. The worst of it, however, was my personal awareness that my cognitive functioning was less than apt. 

Maybe it was because of all the mental and emotional abuse, such as gaslighting, I had experienced up to that point, but lacking control over my cognitive functioning while drunk was triggering and a definite cause for avoiding alcohol for the years which followed. Having been exposed to halfwitted drunken behaviors growing up, and recalling my own personal experience with alcohol, I didn't drink again until my 21st birthday. It was a tiny can of Lime Rita, that I didn't finish, and I was alone in my room video-chatting with my then-partner. 

Posing regally in my student's hat.

After that I did drink on occasion. Like maybe once a month--if that. Because I couldn't stand the taste of most forms of alcohol, I resorted to sugar-packed options (if you know me, that may be shocking to you). On the occasions I did drink, I often used my lack of cognitive and emotional control to release some pent up frustrations and confront my partner's abusive behaviors. If you're ever in a position where you feel you need alcohol or some other substance to be honest with someone, you're either A. in the wrong situation with the wrong person, B. you have some personal habits that need resolution, or C. both.

I recognized these patterns in my own behavior, and I also hated the way I felt the next morning even after drinking half a sugary beer. I ultimately decided that alcohol doesn't serve me (or anyone really) any productive purposes. I decided to let it go for good. It was a very easy decision.

As for other things, like the magical Marijuanas, plural--I also never had an interest. I see and personally support the medical benefits. I otherwise maintain the same general attitude toward it as I do alcohol--there's no productive purpose for its recreational use. My brother constantly tried to get me to try edibles since my argument, at 15, was that I didn't want smoke of any kind in my lungs, and I still refused.

I won't vote against your recreational use, however. Our bodies, our choices. I do urge that you ensure your influenced behavior doesn't cause harm to others. Being driven around by someone who'd been smoking was not a fun experience.

Rocking out to Fall Out Boy in my nieces' room.

As for being naturally high, I think I'm going to take that as an expectation to continue living up to. Laughter is the best kind of high. Being mentally present and fully functional in the company of good people and good surroundings is the best way to have fun and build meaningful relationships anyway.

If I'm naturally giving the impression of fun people would commonly associate with being high, I think I'm living my 20's out perfectly well. 

After all, the condition of my humanness isn't defined by the number of times I've been around the sun.

"If you need booze or drugs to enjoy your life to the fullest, then you're doing it wrong."

- Robin Williams

Listening to: "Because I got High" by Afroman